April 8th, 2003

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(no subject)

It's break time at work, so I may as well update my journal. Not that much new is going on. Then again, maybe stuff is.

I may have a date tonight, may have a date tomorrow (different people, brothers, and may be a date, may just be hanging with a friend, may not even happen), and definitely need sleep now. I wouldn't mind a couple of new friends. Most of my college friends are anywhere other than here, and I don't get as much human touch as I would like. Just touching other people makes me feel good, although it doesn't compare to patting a friendly dog who provides unconditional love.

The weather is insane, as in, it snowed yesterday. I couldn't fall asleep last night, had trouble waking up this morning, but still managed to leave early so I could make it in to work on time. I heard about two accidents in my village - pretty impressive for a village with one block of downtown. Fortunately, they seemed to be cleared, so I got in early. I even worked through lunch, so I have some overtime built up. Not much, but every bit helps.

Other than that, things are quiet. I'm still hoping to hear from a couple of people, but I'm not sitting around twiddling my thumbs while I wait. I know people are busy. This is why I like my government job. I leave at 5 and I have the time for a social life. I have the time to call and email friends. I have the time to make sure I don't miss out on opportunities to get to know people. It's sometimes hard for me to understand when people don't respond to calls or emails for weeks on end. I don't understand how someone can't have a quick second to drop a line and say yes, I'm alive.

I was telling someone yesterday about why I don't take hints. It's a long story, but is summed up pretty quickly - I cared about the guy, I think he cared about me, he was busy, I called lots and finally told him to call because I was tired of chasing, he didn't call, I got upset, I gave up and called months later and found out he hadn't called after our last conversation because he had choked to death. He was 23 years old, as memory serves. Now, even when I tell people to call and they blow me off, I still can't take the hint. I always wonder if something happened.

I'm getting really tired of losing people to death. Rob choked to death in his early 20s. Gabe (more of an acquaintance than a friend) had a heart attack in his early 20s. Rich killed himself a year or two ago. Daddy had a stroke at the age of 55. Grandma died late last year. I should not have had to deal with this much death this early in my life. I'm working through things, and it doesn't always hurt, but it's sometimes difficult. Daddy was the greatest loss.

As for now, I can't let myself think about this. I have to go back to work.

Love, luck and lollipops!
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