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How to get help on the phone

Why do people not understand how to have a useful phone conversation with someone in my office?

Let's look at how you order a pizza.

Step 1 - You call the pizza store you want to order from..  You do NOT call some other pizza store to ask about ordering a pizza and then ask if they know if it works the same way at some OTHER pizza store.

Step 2 - The pizza store answers the phone.  They store will usually start with some sort of identification, for example, "Joe's Pizza, how can we help you?"

Step 3 - You do NOT immediately ask "Is this Joe's Pizza?"  If you do, the response you SHOULD get (but probably wont because people are too polite sometimes) is "I don't know.  Why don't you hang up and call back and this time LISTEN to what I say when I answer?!"

Step 4 - You tell the person what you want to accomplish.  "I want to order a pizza."  You do NOT start with some long drawn out story "My girlfriend left me after 5 years.  The bitch took all my pots and pans.  Not that I know how to cook, but now I can't learn even if I wanted to.  Why don't girlfriends give two weeks notice the way you are supposed to do when you quit a job.  That way I would have had time to find a new girlfriend and she could have made me dinner tonight.  So here I am, and I'm hungry, and I don't really know what I want to eat, but I always used to eat pizza when I was little.  Of course, I lived in Chicago, so this pizza tastes different, but I guess it will have to do...."

Step 5 - The employee asks you the questions they need answered so they can help you accomplish your goal.  "What is your name?  What is your address?  What is your phone number?  What would you like to order?"

Step 6 - Answer the questions.  Do NOT use terminology without knowing what it means in context.  For example, do not order a "loaded" pizza without knowing what the term "loaded" means TO THAT STORE.  Different stores likely put different things on their "loaded" pizza.  Ask for the specifics.  "I want a pizza with mushrooms and olives and garlic and pepperoni and ham and pineapple and crushed red pepper."

Step 7 - If the store CAN NOT help you, for example, if you are outside of their delivery area, you say "Thank you anyway" and you HANG UP THE PHONE!  You do NOT argue that so-and-so told you to call them because they deliver to your area.  They can't help you accomplish your goal.  Deal with it.  If you are lucky, they MIGHT know of a pizza place that DOES deliver to your area.  If you are polite, they might even give you that information, despite the fact that it doesn't help their establishment in the slightest.

So WHY can people calling my office not grasp the concept?

  • Start by listening to the greeting to make certain you have called the correct place.

  • Next, state what you want to accomplish.

  • Ask the person answering the phone what information he or she needs so he can help you.

  • Answer the person's questions.  Again, do NOT use terminology without knowing what it means in context.  (In other words, if you want an official copy of a document on file with my office, you want a CERTIFIED copy, NOT a NOTARIZED copy.)  NOTE: If you are told you can't do something the way you want, the proper response is NOT "I've been doing it this way for 30 years."  I don't give a damn what you've been able to get away with in the past.  It's not happening today.  If you want me to help you accomplish your goal, you do what I tell you that you need to do.  ALSO NOTE: DO NOT INTERRUPT!  It will not accomplish anything other than pissing off the person being interrupted.

  • Accept the answers you get from the person answering the phone.

  • Say thank you.

  • Hang up the phone.

  • Current Mood
    irritated irritated
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(no subject)

Having a small problem with my Sweetie who doesn't quite understand my emotional response to his wiseass comment.  He didn't mean to hurt me, so why am I hurt?  Well, that gets into our differences.  The fact that he didn't mean to hurt me means I'm not ANGRY, but doesn't mean I'm not hurt by his insensitive statement.  I'll have to have a conversation with him soon.  I'm also going to use a mental picture to help him understand the problem with our relationship.

Whenever someone says or does something stupid/hurtful/etc it goes on a metaphorical little piece of paper. 

When his emotions calm down, he throws the piece of paper out and that's the end of it. 

When my emotions have calmed down, I put the piece of paper in a metaphorical drawer and I close the drawer.  Every relationship, be it friend, lover, family or other, has a drawer. If someone does something special, the drawer gets deeper.  I don't know how deep the drawer is.  When the drawer is so full that I can no longer close it, the relationship is over.  The corollary is that every time I have to open the drawer to put a new piece of paper in it, I may see some of the old pieces of paper and start re-reacting to those.

I will also (apparently) have to spell out the few topics that are right the hell off limits for jokes, wiseass comments and insults.  For me those topics are: 1. My appearance and 2. My family and friends.  In addition, tread with caution when commenting about my driving.  How he made it as far as he did in life without learning this, I don't know.  I don't know of any woman who can take insulting comments about her appearance made by someone whose opinion matters to her and just ignore the comments.

I love the man, and his drawer isn't full yet, but I would rather not find out how deep it actually is.  Here's hoping our conversation goes well.

P.S. If I storm out of your apartment on Sunday because I am hurt by your insensitive comment, not calling for at least 5 days (it's Friday and he still hasn't called) is NOT HELPING!!!
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Woof, woof

You Would Be a Pet Dog

You're friendly, loyal, and an all around good sport. People love to be near you.
You are very open with your feelings, and you're quite vocal in expressing them.
You are sincere and kind. You love many people - without any sort of agenda.

Why you would make a great pet: You're content to chill out with your friends

Why you would make a bad pet: You always find yourself getting into trouble

What you would love about being a dog: Running around and playing

What you would hate about being a dog: Being left home alone while everyone else is out having fun

Thanks for pointing this one out, wolfdancer!
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Just because I have a JURIS Doctorate doesn't mean I have patients

OK, let's just cover this. I am apparently under a bunch of stress, as evidenced by last week's difficulty breathing (severe enough that I debated taking myself to the emergency room last Saturday, but instead went to the primary care physician Monday morning). The PCP diagnosed it as Air Hunger brought on by stress. So what is causing me stress? Let's see...

1. I work full time. My alarm goes off at 6:33 AM every weekday morning. I then go to a job I dislike, and have disliked ever since I was switched to answering phones at the end of last October.

2. I am running out of money. Rapidly. I need to look into getting an additional job, but not leaving this one as the health benefits are still pretty good. Of course, as I work full time, my time to do job search is limited.

3. I am trying to clean my house. Not only do I dislike cleaning, the reason for cleaning also causes me stress, namely because I may have to sell my house as I run out of money. Note that I emphatically do NOT want to sell my house.

4. My love life is less than ideal.

In addition, I am trying to keep up on paperwork, deal with paperwork that should have been dealt with years ago, sleep, and try to keep up with everyone in my life. It isn't happening.

Therefore, I do not need any grief about not keeping up with things. I don't want to hear it. If there is something that it is important to you to tell me, call. If I don't answer, leave a useful message. Don't give me grief if I don't call back for a few days. Finally, please don't expect me to be able to provide lots of emotional and/or financial support. You may catch me on a good day and I may be able to provide emotional support. Then again, maybe not.

Also, note that this means that I may or may not have a chance to read people's journals, and the odds of my having the time or patience to post a reply is getting slimmer by the minute. This doesn't mean I don't care about people. It just means that I am part of people too, and I need to take care of me. I'll be at Lunacon this weekend trying to de-stress and enjoy myself. Hugs will be appreciated. I would rather not spend my weekend venting about my so-called life, but I reserve the right for a little self-indulgent whining.

  • Current Mood
    grumpy grumpy
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Things that make me go hmmm

I just read an article in my local paper about a 30 year old man who is charged with raping a drunk 15 year old girl. What's the man's name? Fuqwan Long. Am I the only one who wonders about this?
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(no subject)

Your results:
You are Luke Skywalker
Luke Skywalker
Princess Leia
Jar Jar Binks
Han Solo
Obi-Wan Kenobi
An Ewok
You value your friends and loved ones,
but can sometimes act recklessly
because of your emotions.
Occasionally you resort to whining.
You look ahead to great things for yourself.

(This list displays the top 10 results out of a possible 21 characters)

Click here to take the Star Wars Personality Test

OK, so I got identical scores for Luke and Leia. I'm female (I know, I checked). So why am I the male twin? I give up.
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(no subject)

Well, in what is likely a sign of the apocalypse (or the universe deciding it owes me something good for a change), I called the fan line for the TV show 24 this evening after the show and actually got through to leave a message. Although I spoke carefully, and listened to my message afterwards, it is now about 14 minutes later and I have no idea what I said, although I am certain I left my phone number. Not that I expect anyone to call me back, but who knows? I am beyond stunned that I got through. I almost want to call back from a different line just to see if I get through again, but I am not a stalker, even of a voice mail fan line.