Deb (debkitty) wrote,
Deb
debkitty

Having a small problem with my Sweetie who doesn't quite understand my emotional response to his wiseass comment.  He didn't mean to hurt me, so why am I hurt?  Well, that gets into our differences.  The fact that he didn't mean to hurt me means I'm not ANGRY, but doesn't mean I'm not hurt by his insensitive statement.  I'll have to have a conversation with him soon.  I'm also going to use a mental picture to help him understand the problem with our relationship.

Whenever someone says or does something stupid/hurtful/etc it goes on a metaphorical little piece of paper. 

When his emotions calm down, he throws the piece of paper out and that's the end of it. 

When my emotions have calmed down, I put the piece of paper in a metaphorical drawer and I close the drawer.  Every relationship, be it friend, lover, family or other, has a drawer. If someone does something special, the drawer gets deeper.  I don't know how deep the drawer is.  When the drawer is so full that I can no longer close it, the relationship is over.  The corollary is that every time I have to open the drawer to put a new piece of paper in it, I may see some of the old pieces of paper and start re-reacting to those.

I will also (apparently) have to spell out the few topics that are right the hell off limits for jokes, wiseass comments and insults.  For me those topics are: 1. My appearance and 2. My family and friends.  In addition, tread with caution when commenting about my driving.  How he made it as far as he did in life without learning this, I don't know.  I don't know of any woman who can take insulting comments about her appearance made by someone whose opinion matters to her and just ignore the comments.

I love the man, and his drawer isn't full yet, but I would rather not find out how deep it actually is.  Here's hoping our conversation goes well.

P.S. If I storm out of your apartment on Sunday because I am hurt by your insensitive comment, not calling for at least 5 days (it's Friday and he still hasn't called) is NOT HELPING!!!
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