Deb (debkitty) wrote,
Deb
debkitty

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This Wedding Is A Test. It Is Only A Test.

OK, tell me this was all a dream. Cast of CHARACTERS as follows:
Bride - JP
Groom - AW
Bride's sister - SP
Bride's sister's boyfriend - Y
Bride's Mother - AP
Bride's Mother's Boyfriend - SB
Bride's Father - Nitwit

FIRST:
I picked up Y from the train station. I understand that he is famous and well respected in his native Africa, but here he is just crass. He starts by getting off the train, walking down the ramp to where I am, and spitting on the way. I picked up his suit from SB earlier, and it is in my back seat. I ask if he wants to change at my place (on the way) or the restaurant where the wedding is. FORTUNATELY he says at the restaurant. We arrive, and I am waiting in a line on the circular driveway for the valet parking. He tells me he needs to "go pee." He then indicates that he wants to go down to the lower parking lot (where the valets are PUTTING the cars) to take care of this need. I suggest he go inside, taking his suit with him, and take care of it in there, and then change. He tells me, no, he needs to go pee. I had to tell him, yes, I know, there is a bathroom in there. Note that for either location he would need to get out of the car. Note that the restaurant was a little closer than the parking lot. He did, in fact, go inside. I parked while he was inside, and then went through the restaurant and back outside to get a seat at the place where the ceremony would be held.

SECOND:
The ceremony started a bit late. I guess. I'm not sure when it was supposed to start, but the invitation said 5:30 and it started around 6:15. A few people near me commented that they smelled vanilla. However, as they didn't include me in their conversations, I saw no reason to tell them it was my perfume, which I had also sprayed in my hair. A string trio played. The bride, JP, was beautiful. AP looked beautiful as well. SP looked pretty, but borrowed a feathery shawl from a guest/family friend. The shawl looked, um, odd when paired with the dress. However, SP's taste is a bit eclectic, so I guess it matched.

THIRD:
Hors d'oeuvres were served outside. There were a couple of tables in corners with food, and a few waiters/waitresses walking around with trays. Nothing to write home about. Of course, my home was about 5 minutes away, so maybe I should have just gone home for a snack. I had the chance to chat with AP. While I chatted, one of her friends (CT, someone I knew, someone who was one of Daddy's tax client friends, the owner of the shawl) came up to her. There was .... a problem.

FOURTH:
The wedding was booked quite some time ago. However, ownership changed on July 1. Apparently the neighbors (residential neighborhood) had a problem with the new owner. The new owner had been unable to obtain a cabaret license. So what does this mean? No music. No amplified music, no acoustic music, no radio. Singing, however, was OK. The neighbors, hearing the PEACEFUL string trio, had called the cops, who arrived, issued a summons, and waited to make certain the band left. The $8000 band, who now couldn't play. The cops felt horrible that they were ruining the wedding, but they had no choice. Apparently, however, it could have been worse. At a previous wedding, one neighbor spent the entire ceremony REVVING HER CHAIN SAW. Yes, I am serious.

FIFTH:
The bride and groom's first dance was to their song, You're My Home by Billy Joel. Of course, there was no band, so some people tried to sing it (we had sheet music). About 12 people were up there. About two people actually knew the song. No one could sight read. Nuff said.

SIXTH:
The room was not large enough for all the tables, so two (of course, one of them was where I was seated) were out in a wing/patio area of the room. We couldn't hear much of anything. Apparently, this wasn't such a bad thing. What we did miss, however, was Nitwit starting his toast by saying "JP, I have known you for 30 years." She's only 28. Her older sister is 32, so it's not like he just confused them.

SEVENTH:
AP's table (without her there) had a bit of a food fight. They were throwing bread at each other. I know this because I was there and chatting with SB and was drawn into it by a crumb or 10 thrown in my hair. I retaliated, with the one time in my life I had ever had aim. The woman who had thrown it at me was wearing a v-neck. I hit her chest and got it into her cleavage. Seems like a good time to have aim. :)

EIGHTH (You didn't realize how crazy this wedding was, did you?):
I went over to SP's table to chat because AP said I should have SP introduce me to her two cousins. I chatted with one of them (introduced myself, SP was nowhere to be found), and his uncle V started chatting with me too. Cousin Number 1 said Uncle V was a lawyer. Uncle V gave me some career advice, which seemed pretty good. Spoke to AP yesterday. Uncle V was disbarred. Something about forgery or something like that.

I gave up and went home around 12:30 in the morning.

Amused?
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